Child molestation is a criminal act that exploits and debases children. It’s more commonly referred to as child sexual abuse (CSA). The National Child Traumatic Stress Network, NCTSN, defines it as any interaction between a child and an adult (or another child) in which the child is used for the sexual stimulation of the perpetrator or an observer. For the sake of clarity, a child is anyone below the legal age of maturity. It’s generally between 18 and 21, depending on where the child is from.
Child molestation leaves its victims with long-term psychological scars that often lead to unfulfilling adulthood. How to protect your child from molestation should be one of your greatest concerns. It has been one of the biggest fears of parenthood yet the topic only recently started receiving the publicity and attention it deserves. Parents are now being encouraged to be more proactive in their approach to child abuse.
Through this post, we intend to help you with the necessary information on how to protect your child from molestation. You’ll learn about the different forms of child abuse and how to prevent your children from becoming victims.
Forms of child molestation
According to stopitnow.org, child sexual abuse or molestation can take the form of touching or non-touching sexual behaviour toward children. Whenever an adult touches a child in a sexual manner, with the intention of achieving sexual stimulation or satisfaction, child sexual abuse or molestation has occurred. It also includes vaginal or anal penetration, oral sex, and inviting a child to participate in sexual activity – such as touching the perpetrator’s private parts.
No one has the right to touch children in their private parts except parents, when they’re cleaning them up or inspecting for changes, usually following reports of discomfort by the children. Doctors can, but there has to be at least another adult present – the child’s parent or a nurse.
Non-touching Child Sexual Abuse
Non-touching child sexual abuse can take the form of voyeurism, exhibitionism, child pornography, and exposure to pornographic material. Voyeurism is the act of watching, for the purpose of sexual pleasure, unsuspecting persons while they undress, are undressed, or engaged in sexual activity.
As it relates to child molestation, a voyeur is a peeping tom who preys on unsuspecting children. Exhibitionism is the act of exposing one’s genitals or private parts to unsuspecting people for sexual pleasure. Children are often victims of this act. Child pornography is the creation, sharing, and viewing of visual material showing children in sexual activity for the purpose of sexual gratification of perpetrators. All of these, including the exposure of children to images of adults having sex (pornography) and masturbating before a child, are non-touching forms of child sexual abuse.
N.B It’s important to note that child sexual abuse can happen between children as well. A child is said to have been abused by another child when the victim is 3 or more years younger than the other child. More often than not, child abuse offenders are victims of child abuse themselves, both adults and children alike. That doesn’t excuse abusive behaviour though, especially in adults.
Protecting Your Child From Molestation
To protect your child or children you’re responsible for from abuse, you’ll have to know what to look out for. You’ll have to learn the signs of abuse and how to respond when a child is being abused. Getting educated on this subject will help you to struggle less with what to do when you suspect a child is being abused. In addition to learning as much as you can about child sexual abuse, you can also:
Get actively involved in your child’s life
This is particularly important in the early parts of their lives as it helps you create a robust relationship with your child. Ask them questions and listen to their answers. You can ask them what they did at school and if they enjoyed it. Also, ask for the best part of their day and why they enjoyed it. Make a habit of showing up at their school unannounced, knowing their teachers, their friends, and even the parents of their friends. You can find more tips on how to do this here.
What this does is that it helps you to, not only connect with your child but to build a network of people you can trust around your children. It also helps you to quickly notice anyone with a questionable character and take steps – like voicing your concern to the school’s administrators – to protect your child from abuse.
Teach your kids about sex and body safety
Introduce the sex talk early by starting with body safety. As soon as your child is able to talk, educate them, using age-appropriate language, on the difference between the private and public parts. Open their minds to their exclusive rights to and ownership of their bodies. Let them know that it’s unsafe for anyone to touch them in their private parts or expose them to their own private parts. Doing all of these is a gradual process, so don’t freak out or get overwhelmed. Introduce it casually in everyday conversation and be comfortable as you discuss it.
As your kids grow out of early childhood into their pre-teen years, it’s important to talk to them about how our bodies are naturally wired to feel arousal when they’re touched in certain ways and places. Help them to understand that it’s a normal and healthy response; and that it’s not just anyone who’s allowed to touch us in that way. Educate them on the importance of their waiting till they’re older to experience such feelings.
Encourage them to speak up and control your response
Take the time to create an environment between you and your children that encourages them to talk about what’s happening in their lives with you. Let them know that you’re always available and that you’re always on their side. Whenever they raise subjects or topics bothering them, learn not to shut them down. It does not matter how uncomfortable or how much of taboo the topic is. Most of the time, they’re just trying to tell you about encounters that they may have had or witnessed.
Learn to respond with calm and support. In their article for parents.com, Jessica Snyder Sachs and Melissa Bykofsky advise parents to respond in the following ways when a child reports an incidence of abuse to them.
- Immediately reassure the child and make them know you believe him/her.
- Ask open-ended questions like “what did you do together?” “what happened next?”
- Avoid asking detailed questions that’ll cause the child to relieve the experience; e.g. “did he put his penis in your mouth?”
- Don’t deny abuse or express disbelief.
- Don’t blame the child by saying things like “what did you do that made this happen?”
- Don’t respond or react angrily.
- Be observant of people in your child’s life
Beware of those closest to your child
According to a statistics report from the United States Department Of Justice, 90% of child sexual abuse offenders were known to their victims. 68% of them were abused by family members. What does this mean? It means that “stranger danger” is a myth and that there’s a higher chance of your child being abused by someone you trust than by someone you don’t. Scary, right? Indeed it is. You can minimize the risk of this by ensuring that your kids are never often alone with an adult or an older kid. Try to check in on them when such arrangements are unavoidable. A spy camera will be an ideal technology to deploy here, especially when your child is still very young.
Casually ask questions about how the time was spent when they do spend time in such situations.
Pay attention when someone is showing an undue preference for your child, buying them gifts, and helping them out unnecessarily. It’s also a good idea to pay attention when a particular person is always eager to take your kids off your help or babysitter.